Move Over Martha. {Orange County Family Photography}

I am so not a chef/baker/person who even knows how to turn on the broiler, but I wanted to share this EASY recipe for something super yummy we make every year at Christmas-time.  It is one of the few foods that I feel proud to serve or gift to others, and when they ask the recipe, I like to say things like “Oh, I use the double-boiler-soufflé-trufflemajigger, and slowly melt the chocolate for hours while I baste/glaze/stir-fry with my other hand and bake the delicate cookie bits with my big toe.” 

It is a Martha moment for me.

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But, really … I use a microwave.  And a fridge.  The secret is out.  So here it is …

Peanut Butter and Oreo Bark (I tried to think of something more clever, but failed). 

It’s A Christmas Miracle Bark:

You will need:
1.  A bag of milk chocolate chips
2.  A bag of white chocolate chips
3.  A tablespoon of peanut butter
4.  Twelve oreos.  One for each day of Christmas.  (By the way, why are there 12 day of Christmas?  I totally don’t get that song.  But, anyway …)

First, place all of your ingredients into matching bowls (that you never ever use), and place them on your table for a photo.  Take 25 photos of them, aiming for the best angle of the white chocolate.  Realize that no one cares, and move on.

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Place oreos into freezer bag, and have child who loves violence (despite your best upbringing efforts) smash them into bits.

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Take the bowls of white and white chocolate chips over to your microwave double-boiler-soufflé-trufflemajigger.  Melt the chocolates for one minute, stir, and then pop in for a minute more.  You might have to check on them every 30 sec. or so, depending on how powerful your trufflemajigger is.  Don’t burn the chocolate, it tastes gross.

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Take your melted milk chocolate …

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… and dump in most of the Oreos, reserving a small handful.  Stir.  Don’t smash the Oreos too much while stirring, a little chunkiness is a good thing.  That is what I also tell my scale. 

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Now grab your melted white chocolate.  Stir in a tablespoon of peanut butter.  Toss in the handful of Oreos you saved and stir these in as well.  Don’t add too much Oreo though, or it will turn the white chocolate into gray chocolate. 

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By the way, all of this you are doing at the speed of light.  The chocolate will start to set if you take your sweet time, so don’t be going to check the laundry or giving yourself a mani/pedi while you are making this.  You have to move quick.

Cover a cookie sheet with tin foil.  (Actually, do that before you start, but I am too lazy to re-arrange this whole post.)  Using a spoon, glob spoonfuls of the milk chocolate/oreo combo onto the pan, leaving spaces between the globs.  

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Next, fill in the gaps with the white chocolate mix.

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Now you have a pan of glob.  Pick up the pan and softly slam (?!?!?) it down on the table a few times to get the chocolate to settle.

Now the fun part.  Get a knife.

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Whew!  Good thing I took that photo, so you will know what a knife is!

Using the knife, transform into Jackson Pollack and turn the pan of glob into a piece of artwork.  Swirly chocolatey artwork.  Be careful to use the skinny side of the knife to make cooler swirls.  You aren’t mixing the chocolates, you are intertwining.

There is a difference.

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Take your chocolate art and put it in the fridge.  Do not have shame when opening fridge, even if that uneaten yogurt on the top shelf is like 6 weeks old.

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Now you wait.  For like an hour or two. Clean up the dishes or watch episodes of The Real Housewives.

Not that I watch that show.

Every season.

Ever made.

After the bark has hardened and is firm in the fridge, take out the pan and break the bark into pieces.  Don’t worry about breaking it all carefully or whatever, a mix of small and big pieces is perfect.

Place the bark pieces onto a plate.  Adorn with fake plastic cranberry twig because it looks festive, and food photography can have props too darnit.

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Mmmm, yummy!

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Now, go make your family a gourmet meal to accompany this delectable dessert!

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Kari - December 17, 2010 - 1:28 am

You are so funny! Thanks for the recipe, Martha.

LindseyQ - December 17, 2010 - 3:06 am

Best blog-post ever! Have I ever told you that I love you? Move over Pioneer Woman… here comes Suburban Woman… I think you should challnge Bobby Flay to a bark Throw-Down.

Anonymous - December 17, 2010 - 6:31 am

Elsa said…
You crack me up!! I can see you publishing your own cookbook and it becoming a best seller! I would buy one and bake with Paige. You could make some serious coin. On a side note, coincidentally, I was wondering about the 12 days of Christmas myself.

Melissa Womack - December 17, 2010 - 9:11 am

Ahh…you are the ultimate woman/wife/mother and the list goes on. I was quite impressed with the picture of the fridge…lots of lemons going on in there. I'm thinking there is some serious drinking going on in the Hobson household or wait…perhaps lemons waiting for the ultimate lemon meringue pie. Now there is an idea for your next post. If you can pull that off, Martha is HISTORY. Love ya…Shirley Reagan's Grammy

Claire - December 17, 2010 - 2:32 pm

OMG YUMMY!!!! Now I totally want to make this on the weekend! My ass does not thank you!

Rhonda Stark - December 17, 2010 - 2:40 pm

omg .. this is just too funny!! and it seriously looks good too!

Anonymous - December 18, 2010 - 5:09 pm

I tried it! I put too much peanut butter…and the white chocolate turned tan. =( Other than that…it was still tasty!

Thanks for the easy recipe!

Robyn - December 20, 2010 - 6:43 am

Ha ha ha! That is funny! I love the fridge shot and the motion shot of Jake smashing it. Great job! I bet it was yummy.

Anonymous - December 23, 2010 - 4:09 am

I am going to make this tomorrow for a party! It looks so yummy! Thanks and you are so funny!!=)


notminethistime - December 23, 2010 - 4:20 am

Yum! This was SO good I have to make another batch. Next time I'm going to give it away really fast so I'm not tempted to eat half of it. I used the ghirardelli choc chips and it was amazing. Thanks Christie!

Tethered Mommy - December 23, 2010 - 12:59 pm

This looks fantastic! Love your style of writing and cooking. A friend of yours shared this link and I'm so glad – I get a great recipe and a funny blogger. 🙂

Lainey - May 21, 2011 - 7:55 pm

That?s not just logic. That?s really sesnlbie.

oqztewh - May 22, 2011 - 5:48 am

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Melissa Stottmann - December 18, 2011 - 6:39 pm

Dude lol. Hilarious and I am making this tomorrow for all of our christmas events. You rock.

Melissa - December 18, 2011 - 7:16 pm

I am so pinning this on pinterest. 🙂

It looks fabulous, AND I laughed out loud more than once!

— Melissa

Jill - December 18, 2011 - 7:24 pm

Love and laugh and YUM!

Jackie K - December 18, 2011 - 7:40 pm

You crack me up with every post. I love it! It looks tasty! Thanks for sharing that recipe!

Kimberly - December 18, 2011 - 11:51 pm

You. Rock.

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